Vol. 35 of Thursday Third Things
How to monetize your existence
First of all, I learned that praying mantises are the only bugs that can turn their heads. THAT MAKES THEM 10X MORE HORRIFYING. Secondly, this lady was coming to our porch every day for nearly a month, terrorizing me with her human-like head turns, and just when I was learning to love her, she disappeared.
Ranking Peanut Butter
The Internet: “Hey Anja, want to watch someone rank peanut butter for 50 minutes?”
Me: “No that sounds not interesting? And also I have a lot of stuff to do and should probably read a book an—”
Me: *Clicks play and happily watches Andrew Babish rank peanut butter for 50 minutes.”
Riding A Bike On A Moving Train
Having worked with athletes in the past, I don’t love giving them any more of a platform, especially because a lot of them were some of the most egocentric, arrogant, entitled people I have ever worked with in my entire life and also so many people work very hard at their jobs or raising kids or whatever and never get the kind of credit athletes get and is it really that impressive to be very good at something when you have a lot of time any money to become very good at that thing and ANYWAY I DIGRESS — I know nothing about this person, and despite raising all my hackles, damn if I don’t find this video pretty cool.
How To Monetize A Blog
The other day at the gym a gal was telling me about some new pre-workout she’s trying.
“It’s Bloom. You know it right?”
“I don’t think so?” I said, unsure.
“No you definitely know it. They’re advertising everywhere. I know you’ve seen it.” She held up her phone to show the brand to me.
“Ohhhhh! Yeah, totally!” I said, having never once in my life seen this brand or product (because I hate letting people down!).
I’ve been off social media for nearly four months (nope, I will not stop talking about it) and suddenly realized I’m FINALLY missing trends and advertisements. That’s how long it took to detox from my system. I wish I could quantify it, but I must see at least 100 fewer ads every day simply by not being on those platforms.
(I’ve also officially missed major trend moments that other people have caught me up on, like the pygmy hippo Moo Deng and also the “apple dance” (which I still don’t really understand) and I do not even have a little FOMO (though, okay, I’m glad I saw the hippo).)
But advertising is everywhere, especially on the internet, and this piece did an amazing, artistic job of pointing out just how ridiculous it’s all become. It made me ponder what it means to be a writer on the internet and try to monetize your work via ads (or as “content creators” monetizing via SPONCON). And it also made me wonder if we’re in an era where art is only used to sell ads and could art, or even the entire internet, exist without such a model?
“...this entire post is admittedly just meaningless fluff that I’m not even proof-reading. It’s all a thoughtless heap of words in disguise, an excuse to fill more ad space. And it is working!”
“If we are not writing to make money, what are we writing for? To teach? To freely impart this trove of wisdom that we have spent an ongoing lifetime to harness? Free information does not put socks on feet. Respect doesn’t put cheeseburgers in refrigerators. This is business. Our company is a castle in a kingdom with our branding on it, flying pennants with our billboards and trumpeting our signature jingle on the cobblestone roads, expanding forever even after we’ve turned the frayed edges of the universe into our moat.”
The Holotypic Occlupanid Research Group
Ever wondered what those little plastic things are that hold bread bags closed? Ever wondered if you could file them taxonomically into a massive digital database available for free on the internet? The Holotypic Occlupanid Research Group did. You’re welcome.
Airport Tray Trend
Speaking of missing trends, I am only aware of this from news stories covering it, BUT SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.
The trend — if I understand correctly — is to display some of your travel items aesthetically in an airport TSA bin and share it with the internet.
And I know I’m getting old because I don’t immediately “get it,” but I will say I have mad respect for the content creator Chelsea Henriquez interviewed for this story who said:
“Anything social media/creator related is always painted as silly and frivolous by the media, but there are people (myself included) who have been able to make an entire career out of this. This is a whole INDUSTRY now but since it’s mostly women-led it’s often depicted as vapid…If you’re mad about people taking a tray from the TSA line, going to a separate section and setting up a cute little aesthetic photo where they are not bothering anybody … then, I dunno, grab a Snickers. You might be hungry.”
I’d be lying if I told you my gut reaction to this trend wasn’t, “Oh my god, this is so fucking stupid.” But Henriquez’s quote made me reflect on the fact that I love a good curation of objects (like artist Lisa Congdon’s eraser arrangements) and that perhaps the most vapid, unintelligent criticism is hating something simply because it’s popular.